BIRD Battle…

Have you ever had to deal with nesting birds on your patio or porch area?  Ok, so I truly apologize to those friends of the folk who think I’m a cold hearted anti-nature lover for committing the cardinal sin of taking down an early spring bird nest and leaving a mama robin unable to produce the next generation in comfort….but really???  They poop ALL over the table! Like A LOT!

So this is a 1 part decorating fail (in hind-sight, always in hind-sight) and 1 part work in progress with multiple fails to fix the bird inhabitation. So part 1 decor fail…


So here is our back patio with a sorta roof/pergola thing that has a clear greenhouse kinda cover over it. We had a big (very non-normal) Ice Storm last July that did some damage to the trees in the back yard.  In cleaning up the debris we ended up keeping several large sticks to use in artistic purposes for later.  I got a wild hair and decided to hang a few horizontally with a bunch of battery cafe lights for a quick ($10) chandelier option.  Yeah, I thought I was so smart…look out restoration hardware and all your antler oh-nat-ur-al high priced fanciness….I can do it for $10! woot!       Only problem is that apparently the birds think it’s just as awesome as I do.  DANG IT!  What they really like is the roof support just above the perfect perch of a chandelier that has the exact sized overhang for nest full of bird poo.


So now I have a Alfred Hitchcock movie going on back there on a nightly basis and fear the sanitary nature of my dinning situation is in jeopardy. So naturally, 10 minutes after you-tube-ing ‘makeshift bird deterrent’ and enjoying some old retired engineer wax eloquently in head to toe flannel about how to cut up plastic cookie containers, I was ready…

Only after I cut up 4 containers, I felt some coiled wire would add an even more effective touch.  Then I had to include duct tape, always have to have duct tape…then I ran out of that and reached for masking tape, no where near as cool as duct tape.  I climbed on top of my table (better than wheeling out a swivel chair), and stuffed crap like a hoarder into nooks and crannies of the roof supports.


Really I should just go to a store and actually look at what a REAL bird deterrent thing looks like, but that sounds like a lot of work and I don’t even know where a hardware store is in this country, so I bull ahead (my mind’s made up, don’t confuse me with the facts).

Like a birdie boobie trap.  I got down and looked at my awesome (pile of crap) work and patted myself on the back for a job (really crappily) well done.  Only a few minutes later, twigs in beaks the birds returned… I sat at my table just inside and watched as they mocked me through the glass doors.  Then I dove back into the recycling bin and continued down the whole length of the support fashioning 12 ft of barbed wire (more like, recycled strawberry tins and tin wire).   Now the birds are regrouping on the branch chandelier to hatch a mission to bust in.    I’m pretty sure this is how conspiracy theories are developed and how people get labeled crazy and obsessive…

I will get you birds!!!! Just you wait….You will not destroy our outdoor dinning experiences!!!


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